Post by Ozarks Tom on May 12, 2019 2:28:47 GMT
The Future?
There's a move worldwide to become the United World of America, if you can't beat them, join them.
Well, it's sort of hard to explain. Back in 2025 the world's economy collapsed all at once, and everyone blamed the US. Next thing we knew, missiles were flying every direction, and the world's population dropped by over half. Not so much due to the nuclear thing, but the countries that were feeding the rest of the world nearly couldn't feed themselves.
Some said it was climate change that saved us, but that's BS. What really saved us was a really strong jet stream that move the majority of radiation out to sea.
At any rate, the effects of the EMP explosions weren't nearly as devastating as predicted, and most of our computers only needed rebooting when the power came back on. Lucky for me, but I'll explain later.
Most government centers were wiped out, and the "continuation of government" plan was pretty useless. Some Congressman declared himself president, but somebody shot him. Then a general stepped up saying the military was in charge, his triumvirate would oversee the rebuilding of the country, under martial law of course, but somebody put something in their coffee that put them to sleep permanently. Hey, if you can't trust a barista, who can you trust?
Anyway, the country had no leadership, crime and it's darker side was running rampant. Personal safety was determined by the most accurate fire. Food wasn't being produced, race wars were flaring, and chaos was the norm.
But, for some reason AM radio was still working. Rush Limbaugh was still on the air, and yelling at the top of his lungs we needed a leader with some common sense, and someone who didn't give a crap about being a politically correct person, just get things done. He even offered up his show's email for nominations for president. One day on his "Open Line Friday" show a guy called in who went by the name North Carolina Guy, who, most people figured was a joke caller. He said he'd been on a website named Country Conservatives, and wanted to nominate a guy called Ozarks Tom. He said he'd email a couple dozen posts by Tom, and let Rush decide if they made the kind of sense the country needed.
The next Monday on Rush's show the same guy called in, and Rush asked if he was the North Carolina Guy, and he said "That would be me." Rush said he'd read the posts, and agreed with every one of them, he might just be our guy. He read all the posts over the air, including the one hoping to see the lampposts in DC being decorated with politicians, and started an on-air campaign for a guy he'd never met, and knew nothing about.
Next thing I knew my cover was blown, Ozarks Tom for President was being spray painted on the sides of buildings, the entire mid-west liked the snarky remarks about the coasts, and the old opinionated loud mouthed sheepherder from the Ozarks was being sworn in.
I refused moving to the shambles that was the remains of DC, instead, Springfield Missouri would be the new capital. I assembled my cabinet of closest advisors, Deke from Florida, Pony from the Ozarks, Joebill from New Mexico, and of course the itinerant David just for laughs. My Department of Education was run by Motherhen, and my Treasury was headed by Jolly. Not a damn liberal among them.
Paisley, head of the Department of Energy got the refineries and pipelines going again, and Thtwdbeme scared the crap out of Putin and Xi, peace was declared.
I'd heard of some research at Johns-Hopkins, where they'd developed a way to record a person's thoughts. Not just their current thoughts, but retrieve their memories too. Their minds and personalities would be preserved on microchips forever. Hey, I knew I was old and couldn't hang around much longer, but the country needed me. So I sat for an hour while they duplicated my mind. It was a good thing too, a month later while sipping my coffee at Chic-fil-A I fell out of my chair dead. What did I say about baristas?
Anyway, my microchip brain was still working, so after hanging the barista my chip-self was re-sworn in as President. My cabinet wasn't all that young either, so they all went through the scans too.
So here we are 70 years later, goats have been named the National Animal, all children are homeschooled, trade schools have replaced colleges, national defense is covered by five guys with really bad attitudes, and David's chip keeps us in stitches.