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Post by themotherhen on Jun 12, 2017 6:40:09 GMT
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Post by tarbe on Jun 13, 2017 0:18:57 GMT
We celebrated year number 56 this year. Our marriage has been pretty much same basis as Txsteader's. We've had our spats along the way but never separated or even came close. We still love each other and cannot imagine our lives any other way but to be together. Our kids love the fact that we have been together so long. Congratulations on a long and successful marriage! I saw something the other day that made me smile. The basic gist of the message was that marriage is like the buddy system. Stick with your buddy. Work with your buddy. Stand up for your buddy. Share with your buddy. <3 Kathy is my best friend in a human body. Pretty sure I am her best friend, too! There is a lot of comfort in that. Especially when the friendship has survived 36 years of ups and downs, and knowing that the same God whose seen us through all that, wants us to make it to the end together. I am a blessed man! |
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Post by gob on Oct 30, 2018 12:25:34 GMT
Don't think I'm a expert on this subject at all, SM is my fourth, but my last. Tomorrow is our 15th anniversary (yes, Halloween). It has been a long row to hoe but we are very much still in love and committed to each other. The yelling and screaming at each other....well...we just say it's because we can't hear as well as we once could. Two people will never agree on everything all the time, it's just how you get through the disagreements that makes your marriage easier or harder to live with.
Two people that live together will fight at some point. I had a best friend in the military. We met at my first duty station, then went to Germany together to the same unit. We had been best friends for four years when I went through my first divorce and I moved on post. We shared a room and fought like cats and dogs for the next year till I got out of the Army. We are still very good friends, but both understand we can't live under the same roof again.
The other thing I did learn is that "Death till we part" only works if both people believe that. The first time I married I thought it gospel. It was all I knew, or had ever seen. My first wife had came from the opposite. So I guess it was easy for her to split things up. It was devastating to me and the kids at the time, I didn't know that was even an option. Since I have understood it was for the best, and I won't get into that.
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Post by Txsteader on Nov 8, 2018 12:06:20 GMT
Don't think I'm a expert on this subject at all, SM is my fourth, but my last. Tomorrow is our 15th anniversary (yes, Halloween). It has been a long row to hoe but we are very much still in love and committed to each other. The yelling and screaming at each other....well...we just say it's because we can't hear as well as we once could. Two people will never agree on everything all the time, it's just how you get through the disagreements that makes your marriage easier or harder to live with. Two people that live together will fight at some point. I had a best friend in the military. We met at my first duty station, then went to Germany together to the same unit. We had been best friends for four years when I went through my first divorce and I moved on post. We shared a room and fought like cats and dogs for the next year till I got out of the Army. We are still very good friends, but both understand we can't live under the same roof again. The other thing I did learn is that "Death till we part" only works if both people believe that. The first time I married I thought it gospel. It was all I knew, or had ever seen. My first wife had came from the opposite. So I guess it was easy for her to split things up. It was devastating to me and the kids at the time, I didn't know that was even an option. Since I have understood it was for the best, and I won't get into that. A belated Happy Anniversary to you and your bride. 
You're absolutely right, it takes both people to make a marriage work. Both must be committed to making the marriage work and have the same understanding about the vows.
We were like you - divorce wasn't even an option because we'd made a commitment before God, and we took that very seriously. Yeah, we've had our share of fights, fought like cats and dogs at times, but underneath it all, divorce was never even considered. We celebrated our 46th anniversary this year, but only because we've had the same goal all along.
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Wyatt
Full Member
Posts: 197
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Post by Wyatt on Apr 10, 2022 6:24:15 GMT
Okay, I have been married for almost 19 years. My parents divorced when I was 15. So I don't have a good model. I never knew that people could fight(disagree) and still stay married. I had no model for that. My parents fought for years, finally divorcing. Things have been really hard for us lately. We both work hard, but we need teamwork in our marriage. Does anyone else feel that their marriage/family structure is being attacked? How do we combat that? I have been praying until my knees are sore. Why do I feel that our union is under attack? John 17:15 My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one. 16 They are not of the world, even as I am not of it. 17 Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth. 18 As you sent me into the world, I have sent them into the world. 19 For them I sanctify myself, that they too may be truly sanctified. Life for the believer will never be an easy one. Satan has worked at destroying unit/family cohesion since he tempted Eve in the garden of Eden. Christian families are floating around in a cesspool of human debauchery and temptation. Always have been always will be. You must constantly resist the cesspool, for if you lose your resolve and take the cesspool into you, you then become part of the cesspool. The "old days" were neither better nor worse than the present age, they are merely history that hopefully we can learn from, both good and bad. A successful marriage requires total commitment between the two parties. Once that is achieved this happens. 9 Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: 10 If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. 11 Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? 12 Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. Two people totally committed to one another with Jesus making the third strand can withstand just about anything the world throws their way. |
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Post by laurazone5 on Apr 10, 2022 12:50:15 GMT
Yes, I believe the institution of marriage is under attack. The evil one hates it, because it is from God. We combat it by following His Word. Husband and Wife have to be committed as one to Him Communication, communication, communication. A little blast from the past. 2016 Amazing how 6 years of life, can change ones mind. Today, 2022, One can follow God's Word to the letter......but if the other is not willing to do the same? If the other just "pretends" to "follow"? If one follows, and the other uses that against them, as a way to control and manipulate them? That's abuse. Run. Run as fast as you can, and do not look back. You cannot change that tigers stripes. Ever. RUN My parents are STILL married......59 years this June. That home was ruled by anger, manipulation, jealousy, fearful submission and verbal abuse.
I swore, I would be NOTHING like that, yet, because they STAYED MARRIED, though I left at 16, the damage was done.
EVERY chance I get to spell out to my adult kids; Hey, you saw this, but that was WRONG. I thought I was doing right.......and that is NOT God's fault......don't be mad at him.........but understand this __________ behavior is WRONG.
Ephesians 6
12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.
This dark WORLD / Spiritual forces of EVIL
Shake the dust off your sandals and heal.
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Post by themotherhen on Apr 11, 2022 3:35:45 GMT
Thank you both, I appreciate your thoughts and time.
Unfortunately the lockdowns and associated stresses were not kind to the marriage. His alcohol consumption increased significantly, to the point that he was blacking out and hitting me. I had never been punched before that time period. It hurts. At that point I left him. Trying to save up for a divorce now. Prayers are appreciated đ
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Post by farmrbrown on Apr 11, 2022 3:44:28 GMT
Sorry to hear that themotherhen, but laurazone5, is right. No one should tolerate that and I guarantee God doesn't like to see that. And anyone that thinks they don't have the ability to get help and get away from that chaos should know that HE can make all things possible, just ask Him for it. |
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Post by wildhorseluvr on Apr 11, 2022 4:12:38 GMT
themotherhen, I am sorry for what youâre going through. đ˘ Iâll be praying. Hugs!
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Post by laurazone5 on Apr 11, 2022 11:19:19 GMT
Google "Domestic Abuse Services"
It will give you every provider in your immediate area
99% of their services are FREE
Al-Anon is free too.
Praying for you
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Post by tarbe on Apr 11, 2022 12:09:49 GMT
May God hold you and bless you as you travel this difficult road.
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Post by Jolly on Apr 11, 2022 14:06:30 GMT
You know, there are different types of marriages. Some are just really incompatible and should have never happened in the first place. Some are okay for a few years, but one spouse changes radically in a negative sense and then the marriage falls apart. Some marriages are in such harmony, that the couple rarely fights or even have cross words. Those tend to last a lifetime, but they're pretty rare.
The wife and I will have been married 42 years, come this fall. We're a classic Battling Bickersons marriage. We're both headstrong, opinionated and neither one likes to back down from a fight. Therefore, we clash pretty often. But even if we do, we never walk away. We meant "until death do us part". I wanted a woman with grace, class, fire, spirit and intelligence. I picked my wife with thought and purpose, and I think I did a very good job on whom I thought was the pick of her age group in this area. So, to get what I wanted, you get the entire package. Any small disturbances to my domestic tranquility are far outweighed by the light and wonderfulness she brings to our marriage.
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Post by wildhorseluvr on Apr 11, 2022 15:20:37 GMT
âYou know, there are different types of marriages. Some are just really incompatible and should have never happened in the first place. Some are okay for a few years, but one spouse changes radically in a negative sense and then the marriage falls apart.â
Itâs not always a negative change that creates the crisis. Sometimes both spouses are non believers and if one later gives their life to Christ, the other becomes angry. Or one spouse is saved but not wholly living their life for Christ at the time. As that individual grows in Christ, they change for the better and the non believing spouse doesnât take it well. Sometimes these marriages work out but if it reaches the point of physical violence, there isnât much hope.
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Post by themotherhen on Apr 12, 2022 4:10:22 GMT
Yeah, once the punches started there was no hope. I don't think that God appreciates when someone hits His daughter either.
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Post by wildhorseluvr on Apr 12, 2022 12:23:23 GMT
Yeah, once the punches started there was no hope. I don't think that God appreciates when someone hits His daughter either. The first time thereâs a sense of disbelief. Then you realize this person has no self control, considers their needs/wants/desires above all others, blames others for their own failings/problems, and possibly has an underlying hatred for women as well. Such individuals are often deeply insecure and/or angry and expect you to make them feel better about themselves. When you fail, they lash out. At that point, meds, counseling, etc. will never be of any use and you just need to get out⌠and stay out. Iâd advise zero contact or only through trusted intermediaries, even meeting in highly public places is not necessarily safe. You never know how far someone will go when they blame you for everything they hate about themselves. |
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