|
Post by BrewDaddy on Oct 4, 2019 17:50:16 GMT
A mother woke up from a coma after giving birth to twins. She asked the doctor “Where are my babies?” The doctor replied, “Don’t worry, they’re safe and with your brother. You had a healthy boy and girl, but unfortunately, I do have some bad news.” Knowing her brother wasn’t quite normal she immediately thought the worst. “Oh no, what’s wrong?” “Well, since you were in a coma we had to give the children a name,” the doctor said. “Your brother chose them.” Shocked, the mother asked “What did he name the girl?” The doctor lets out a sigh and said “Denise.” “Oh!” The mother said, relieved. “That’s a lovely name. What about the boy?”
The doctor replied “Denephew.”
bd
|
|
|
Post by Thtwudbeme on Oct 4, 2019 19:25:17 GMT
That's pretty funny, but I am sure that someone would claim that it is racist. It's just the way things are these days.
Not that I would or care if someone else does.
|
|
|
Post by BrewDaddy on Oct 9, 2019 4:09:42 GMT
We need a 12-step group for compulsive talkers. They could call it On Anon Anon. —Paula Poundstone
bd
|
|
|
Post by BrewDaddy on Oct 9, 2019 18:44:45 GMT
I always loved Calvin Ball... almost reminds me of the dem impeachment strategy...
bd
|
|
|
Post by BrewDaddy on Oct 10, 2019 5:26:54 GMT
|
|
|
Post by joebill on Oct 11, 2019 2:59:25 GMT
They omitted some of the best features, though. Hard to hire decent salesmen these days. I guess if you want something done right, you gotta do it yourself..... ...Joe
|
|
|
Post by joebill on Oct 11, 2019 3:03:47 GMT
By the way, we have a truly effective mechanism to fight global warming. Just pretend nobody ever mentioned it or insisted it was real and it will go away on it's own. Patent pending....Joe
|
|
|
Post by BrewDaddy on Oct 11, 2019 23:43:44 GMT
One evening, after the honeymoon, Tom was working on his Harley motorcycle in the garage. His new wife was standing there by the bench watching him.
After a long period of silence she finally said, "Honey, I've just been thinking, now that we are married, maybe it's time you quit spending so much of your time out here in your garage.
You probably should also consider selling your Harley and all your welding equipment along with your gun collection, your fishing gear, the boat and all those stupid model airplanes, plus dump that vintage hot rod sports car and your home brewing equipment."
Tom got a horrified look on his face.
She said, "Darling, what's wrong?"
He replied, "There for a minute, you were starting to sound like my ex-wife"
"Ex-wife!?" she screamed, "YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU WERE MARRIED BEFORE!"
Tom replied, "I wasn't.”
bd
|
|
|
Post by farmgirl on Nov 19, 2019 18:29:23 GMT
My family told me to stop telling Thanksgiving jokes. I told them I can't quit "cold turkey"! 😂😂😂
|
|
|
Post by BrewDaddy on Nov 26, 2019 16:49:24 GMT
I just read a list of “100 Things To Do Before You Die” and I was quite surprised that “Yell for help!” wasn’t one of them.
bd
|
|
|
Post by BrewDaddy on Nov 27, 2019 23:09:40 GMT
My grandfather is 85 and he still doesn’t need glasses. He drinks straight from the bottle.
bd
|
|
|
Post by BrewDaddy on Nov 30, 2019 3:03:11 GMT
A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie...
He decides to test it out at dinner one night.
The father asks his son what he did that afternoon.
The son says, "I did some schoolwork."
The robot slaps the son.
The son says, "Ok, Ok. I was at a friend's house watching movies."
Dad asks, "What movie did you watch?"
Son says, "Toy Story."
The robot slaps the son.
Son says, "Ok, Ok, we were watching porn."
Dad says, "What? At your age I didn't even know what porn was."
The robot slaps the father.
Mom laughs and says, "Well, he certainly is your son."
The robot slaps the mother.
For Sale: One Robot....
|
|
|
Post by BrewDaddy on Nov 30, 2019 21:23:39 GMT
A wife, being the romantic sort, sent her husband a text: “If you’re sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you!”
The husband, typically non-romantic, replied: “I am on the toilet. Please advise.”
|
|
|
Post by farmgirl on Jan 22, 2020 16:59:39 GMT
What kind of milk comes from a forgetful cow?
Milk of amnesia...😂😂😂
|
|
|
Post by woody on Jan 22, 2020 18:09:43 GMT
A man goes into his usual barber for a haircut. He says to the barber "I want it left long on the right side, shave the left side and leave a little "Poof" right on the top of my head."
Barber says "I can't do that!!!!"
Customer says "Why not, you did it last time."
|
|